In Psalm 89 God talks about David’s line and the covenant that He will keep forever with him. We too are a part of that covenant promise. Jesus reinforced it when He said that He would never leave us or forsake us. Yet how often do we forget that God is near? We are quick to believe the lies of the enemy who wants to kill steal and destroy and we do not see how we play into the enemies’ hands and give him permission through our sin to come and wreak havoc in our lives.
Over the last week I have been in the middle of a life lesson, which made much of this very clear to me.
Last Sunday afternoon as I was writing my sermon for the evening service I suddenly found myself in terrible all consuming pain. Nothing I could do and no position I tried to get into would alleviate the pain. I soon realized that I was in the middle of a gallbladder attack. I had not had such a bad attack since before my daughter was born thirty years ago. I knew what it was and I knew that all I could do was wait it out. Finally after about four hours, cold sweaty and clammy having finally been able to vomit, I crawled into bed and fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning and began to process where I was, how I was and why I had such a terrible time the day before. First there was the gallbladder attack, it had been brought on because of many bad choices on my part. I have been eating for comfort for years and limited choices (and self pity) have accentuated it here in India.
This is reaping and sowing.
“If they violate my decrees and fail to keep my commands, I will punish their sins with the rod, their iniquity with flogging” Psalm 89 vs. 32
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction.” Gal. 6:7-8a.
The Lord has spoken to me many times in warning about this and I have repented then repeated the sin of idolizing food again and again. God will allow us to reap the fruit of our poor choices.
Also once I gave the enemy license then the attack on my health and peace of mind was on.
“If you do what is right will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at the door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” Gen. 4:7
We are God’s kids but once we choose to sin we build a ledge that the devil can stand on. We give him authority in that area of our lives.
As a result of the gallbladder attack a stone was likely pushed out into my bile duct partially obstructing it and causing me to have Jaundice. I did not go to the hospital for the attack but went a day later because of the Jaundice. I got blood work, a urine test and an ultra sound done and then saw the surgeon who recommended an operation to clean out the bile duct and removal of my Gallbladder.
Fear was at work in my life. When I talked to my children that fear was then in them and they wanted me to come home. The doctor told me about complications if I had the procedures done or if they did not do them. The Principal at the school wanted me to go home she said there was very little supply of negative blood in India and so if there were complications and bleeding is a possible complication of flushing out the ducts then I would be in big trouble. Someone else wanted to fly me to New Delhi for surgery. There were also many prayers, cautions and encouragement from friends all over who were with me on the journey in prayer. I felt that the Lord was leading me to wait so we decided to wait and see until Friday and redo the tests. Something deep in me was still keeping peace in my Spirit.
We never know about the path not taken but there were many options offered up to me that would have had a very different result. I had been hearing many scenarios of disaster and death in my head over the past few days since the gallbladder attack. I woke up in the night the day I visited the doctor. I had been in a very deep sleep and I could hardly keep my eyes open and yet I had this feeling that something was really wrong. I felt as if I had been on the brink of death when I woke up and my legs were shaking inside the way you do when you are in shock. I had a hard time thinking straight. I got myself up and went to the bathroom talking to myself to calm down as I went. There did not seem to be any overwhelming pain, everything seemed to be working fine. I crawled back into bed and I was really tired, I wanted to go to sleep but I was afraid I would not wake up. I picked up the Bible and started reading the psalms. These scripture verses jumped out at me.
“I lie down and sleep; I wake up again because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.” Psalm 3:5-6
“I will lie down and sleep in peace for You alone, Oh Lord make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8
I decided that God held me and so I should go to sleep. I waited two days in the hopes that my body would work things out on its own. Because God holds us in His hand He is the one who ultimately does this. I had prayed and sought prayer support and received all kinds of advice but I followed what I felt was the leading of the Lord. I began to have a deeper conviction that God was in this and He did have me and I would be okay. While all the options were still being played in my head I began to be convicted that I knew where I was going.
“The thief comes to kill steal and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” John 10:10
This is called God’s Grace
Friday morning I got up and waited to go to the hospital for the next set of tests. I felt pretty good about where I was. I began to just thank the Lord for the blessings in my life. As I sat at my desk listening to praise music and eating an apple, something in a song the girls had sung at chapel triggered a thought. The song they sang is called He Is Near and I realized it had been playing in my head all day yesterday. I decided that I was going to believe God I remembered my devotional for that day in which Oswald Chambers said; “The greatest need we have is not to do things but to believe things”
So I began to pray; I choose to believe You Lord and I believe that You are speaking to me and I am hearing You. I choose to have hope and joy and life that You give and I believe that I will be fine and that you will hold me through the time I am here, as I travel to Bali and back and as I travel back to Canada. I choose to believe your word Lord and I choose to receive your comfort Holy Spirit. I choose to believe now before I see the test results.
Then I was able to testify as I was being driven to the hospital that I knew that all would be well and that God would hold me until I go home.
When we got the test results I was very happy to say “I told you!” and Praise the Lord, may He get the glory!!!
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